No time to sleep

I had a bad night yesterday.
When it came to sleep so many things came up
and I just cried my heart out.
A big topic was my grandma.
I lost her 3 years ago and I always thought
having her in loving memory would be enough.
It's not.
I miss her each day and most of all
I am afraid of losing touch to her.
Not having her around to talk to her,
to touch her and hug her
really makes my heart hurt.
I am afraid of forgetting how she
laughed out loud, how her voice sounded.
It was just too early when she had to go.
and i miss her like hell.