Shame, fear & debt.

The reasons why I didn't tell Karin what was going on. We have talked about it before.
I promised it wouldn't happen again, that I wouldn't get any yellow letters. But a few weeks ago,
I opened the letter box and found one. From the first big mistake I made. T-Mobile. I owe about 1000€ and I was paying it back but the first payment didn't go through. There was a time in the last 12 months where I was only just able to pay the bills I have now and my rent with the money my parents send me and my pay together. That means no food. So i stopped paying it back because by the end of the month my account was almost always over drawn. I was ashamed that I couldn't afford anything. I was using my credit card up to it's limit every month to keep a float.

When the letter came while Karin was in Hospital I was scared to tell her because I'd promised it wouldn't happen. I was ashamed that I hadn't handled the situation better in the first place and that I even owe the money and I am scared that she would leave because I stopped paying it.

When we spoke about the topic a few months ago she said, "You better not let me see it. I don't want to know about it.".

So I tried not to. But I guess that didn't work did It.