Part II

Painful night. The liquid to empty my stomach wasnt that bad than last time.
My mind played tricks on me and made it worse that it worse. 1 1/2 liter. That should be enough.
But now big expected toilet running.
Instead of that my stomach hurt because it was blown up like a ballon.
There was no chance to move around in bed and I asked/begged for pain killers.
Thank god it worked a little bit. Now I‘ve opened my eyes and think of Jack.
He‘s my first and last thought of the day. I miss him when he‘s not around, but I force myself to give him a break and let him go home to take a rest.
I can‘t stand that he‘s losing his own strenght by helping me.
i want to give him my shoulder to lean on, too.
I want him to talk with me about his fears.
But at the moment he‘s just there for me. But I love every millimeter of him and I just wanna be sure that he knows.


Today started as an awful day. They woke me up at 7 am and gave me 3 new bottles of the shit to drink.
No chance. My eyes filled up with tears immediatly.
So they offered me the tube through my throat down to my stomach and they wanted to let it rush in there.
And they did.
Awful experience. After an hour of getting that stuff in I was exhausted. Totally.
But they cancelled that in the early afternoon, because it didn‘t work.
So I felt better after getting the tube out and slowly life came back to my body.
And at the moment I feel really good.
My mum was here today and it was great to have her around. She took care of everything. She‘ll bring me back to Passau on Sunday. Jack will come with us and he has to go back to work on tuesday.
He‘s disappointed, but one day with him is better than nothing.

My love for him is endless and I don‘t wanna stand time without him. He‘s my everything.
And I hope he knows.