The story continues...

I can stand a lot. But what I experienced a few days before was a lot too much.
Got picked up by Jack from my work, because I couldn‘t stand my stomach pain anymore.
After seeing an doctor in an emergency clinic, they transfered us to hospital.
A few tests are done and I am helpless.
There‘s no doctor around who tells me what‘s going on and what are their plans with me.

It‘s 6 am and I got up 2 hours before. The Romanian woman next to me in my room was snoring so bad that it made me wanna kill her.
Before that I left my room.
And she said during the day, she could hardly sleep 2 hours a night. Hell, for sure!

I want to go home today. Whatever they say, I need to go home!
Being there doesn‘t help. It‘s so unpersonal and you have to chase after the doctors which makes you feel like a complete idiot. And I am not at all.

I am just scared and confused and waiting for an answer what to do.
But there‘s a also a good thing to mention.
Jack and I found out, that there‘s no smell of death or hospital in here.
It seems to be a huge building without typical hospital air.

And there‘s Jack.
As supportive as possible in all ways.
Cried with me and promised me to go through all of that and I don‘t doubt a word.
I have never felt that blessed and loved before.
I promised that I‘ll stand, that he sees me like that.
I don‘t want him to, but to let him be a part of all that, he needs to suffer and feel with me.
That‘s not what I want for us, but I think that‘s what the realtionship can bare.
Just to think that he could walk out the door without looking back makes me crazy.

There‘s my fear of being left behind that hurts like hell.
But he loves me and and tries to be brave for both of us.
Hopefully we‘ll make it through this.